


A Fail test leaves a broken mind

by TerraBrownWriter



Series: My sides [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Base on a my life, Counselor has change to Wisdom, Empathy and Apathy are the same character, Gen, Morality has change to Empathy, This is actually what happened not exaggerating, Vent Writing, Wisdom tries her best, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 01:25:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19801870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraBrownWriter/pseuds/TerraBrownWriter
Summary: After Terra fails her driver's test she slowly falls into a depression that she can't stop and doesn't care to stop.





	A Fail test leaves a broken mind

July 13, 2019

It started simply enough. I got up early in the morning to take my driver’s test. I waited an hour to take a 10-minute test. The test giver sounded mean. He had this tone of voice that made it sound like he was always upset with me. Adding to that, he also kept calling me “Young lady.” I didn’t like it one bit. At the end of the test, I founded out that I had failed before I forgot to look before making a turn one time. A simple but dangerous mistake to make on the road.

… 

Empathy was pissed off. “That’s not fair! It was one time, and we were ok.”

Wisdom tried to calm Empathy down. “But if we weren’t ok then we could have died!”

“Shut up!” Empathy wouldn’t listen.

…

My brother passed his test so now he can drive. I’m now the last of my family without a license. Mom decided to remind me that I haven’t had that much time behind the wheel compared to the rest of my siblings. My brother asked why. “Because Terra didn’t bitch enough to Dad to take her.” Mom answered.

“I didn’t bitch either, but I still got time.”

“That is because I would drive with you to and from school.”

…

Jealousy was also angry. “That isn’t fair! Everyone has gotten more time than us. What are we just not as important as the others? Why would we need to bitch to drive? We were raised not to bitch. Now you’re telling us that we needed to bitch!?”

“We didn’t say anything, and that’s why we didn’t get in the time before.” Wisdom tries to explain.

“Shut up!” Jealousy yelled, not wanting to hear it.

…

I made it home and stormed off to my room, not wanting to talk to anyone. This was twice now that I had failed this stupid test. Dad has insured me that I would pass, and my brother told me how much anyone would hate to go to the DMV a 3rd time. So now it feels like I let everyone down and I have to wait a whole week before I can try again. I decided to take a nap to get past the anger and disappointment I feel in myself for failing at what hundreds of people can do.

Before I could rest my mind wondered to a dark place. How could I kill myself? I could take Matthew’s gun and shoot myself. I could buy my own gun and shoot myself; I could drink cleaning supplies, Matthew has a knife, or I could use a kitchen knife, I could jump from the roof. Dying is easy if you think about it.

…

Passion lies on her bed, staring at the ceiling thinking of all the ways Terra could die. Wisdom comes in looking tired. “Why are you thinking about this?”

Passion shrugs “No reason, not really. How do you think everyone would react? After the bang?”

“We are not going to kill ourselves!” Wisdom yells.

“I know, I’m not actually going to do it. Just… could you imagine?”

“I rather we didn’t. Now rest and hopefully Empathy and Jealousy will calm down.”

…

I woke up from my nap hot and sweaty like normal when taking a nap. Can’t be bothered to take a shower. I get on my phone to distract myself by watching YouTube, playing on apps. Nothing gives me joy and the hours fly by. I talk to my D&D group about new characters when the thoughts of death come in again. This time the plan: to wait for Matthew to take his gun out to clean it. To take it and die in the kitchen. No warning, no note, just gone and leave my family and friends in confusion as to why? Why is a nice question, a question I don’t have an answer to myself. Why? Why not? Curiosity mostly, or maybe that driver’s test just really upset me. I don’t know. 

…

“Stop thinking about this!” Wisdom yells everything was going downhill. One by one, the sides stop carrying. Empathy becoming Apathy, Jealousy has low self-esteem and Passion going down this dark thought process. Even Deceit didn’t argue with the idea of telling Terra’s friends about the suicidal thoughts that plague her mind.

…

I told my friends just so I could talk to someone. I got the typical “You matter to us” “Please don’t hurt yourself” It didn’t help my mood in the sightless. I then realized something; I didn’t feel anything. I think I feel sad, but even though I feel like I can cry, I can’t. I looked at my leg. I don’t know why, but I suddenly start slapping myself, slapping then punching my leg, trying to feel something, anything. Hoping that pain will let me cry, yet my eyes remain dry and my leg red and hot from my slaps.

…

“Stop! What are you doing this is bad!” Wisdom pleaded she tried, she really did, but no one would listen.

Apathy shrug at her. “I want to feel something.”

“This isn’t the way!”

“Shut up!” Passion yelled. “Give it up; we did.” Wisdom tries to open her mouth but can’t. They have silenced her blocking her logical thinking, her Wisdom. In the distance, Depression smiles. It has won this battle today.

…

I hit myself for 16 minutes before giving up and not carrying anymore. I didn’t make my goal to cry or feel, and my blunt attack will not leave a lasting mark, unlike if I stab or cut myself. I manage to entertain myself with YouTube and fan fiction up to late hours of the night unable to sleep. I try to collect my thoughts and wonder what will happen next?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not ok.


End file.
